At a young age, living in an orthodox household and being taught orthodox ideology by trusted people and in trusted places, I was expecting life to be a certain way, to go a certain way, to be lived a certain way, and to look a certain way. Transitioning from an orthodox Mormon to a progressive Mormon has opened the horizons beyond my wildest dreams. The best thing for me. My heart was pierced with pain a while ago while I was packing old journals and memorabilia into storage. I came across a note card I had created in a young women’s class. I wrote down what characteristics a man needed to be worthy of my marriage. Listed on the card it stated that he needed to be a man of God. Someone dedicated to the gospel of Jesus Christ. A man that went on a mission as a boy and came home transformed into a man of God. It said someone that was worthy of the priesthood and used it worthily. This man needs to love God more than he loves me. He needed to be a virgin and a man with a clean record, no runnings with law enforcement, and certainly no room for drugs. For a personal twist, I added that the man needed to be a cowboy, a man’s man (because toxic masculinity runs deep). Does reading the note card that early teen Britnee wrote hurt your heart too? I understand the church’s standpoint on raising high standards for safety, happiness, and long-standing eternal relationships, but this is very unrealistic, to say the least, and very harmful, I see that now. How could the sisters teach this lesson to feel so confident in this so-called truth? How were my parents okay with this information being beaten into their daughter's head? How did I just sit by ignoring my gut for the sake of following authority and believing there was only one answer.
The moment I interacted with Eric for the first time I knew I wanted him to be mine. This being with a dimple, tall dark, and handsome with the heart of divinity had me at first hello. I put my selfish love interest aside to give him advice, encouragement, and direction on an intimate heartache. I still remember the words coming out of my mouth that I truly believed in hoping to help him, I remember the sadness I felt in my stomach by hearing my true words. I didn’t know how impressionable and important that discussion was for him until much later. With the different light I shined for him, Eric followed his truth, the small voice within his heart that guides him on his path, the path that God inspires and encourages us to find and follow so we can become higher versions of ourselves.
It is human to absorb teachings around us; in our culture and society, in our social groups of family, friends, peers, and extracurricular activity members. It helps us form our ideas, our thoughts, our beliefs, and essentially a path of who we could become. Eric was adopted at the age of 9, he had 2 different lifestyles before that point. The three styles combined gave him great insight and taught him a lot about various things, the true divinity of one’s soul, and life’s purpose and deeper meaning. His extreme experiences allowed him to grow and mature at a young age, understand and feel empathy far beyond his years, fight for what is right, and to be outside the box. These experiences gave him options for a different way of living. He followed his truth, the small voice within his heart that guides him on his path, the path that God inspires and encourages us to find so we can become higher versions of ourselves.
Tribalism is as old as time. Humans are social creatures that weren’t designed to be alone (did you think about LGBTQ+, they weren’t designed to be alone either). Being told what to believe and how to believe it definitely has an effect on us. That is why it is used, to conform to a way of being, a state of living, a place of believing. To validate one another and a bond that will keep us connected. Tribes are great, but can also hinder our personal growth if we allow them. Eric felt very strongly, and passionately about something that was not mainstream from the church’s standpoint. His growth was stunted until the cognitive dissonance was greater than the following authority. He did the hard thing and gave himself permission to think differently, to live differently. He followed his truth, the small voice within his heart that guides him on his path, the path that God inspires and encourages us to find so we can become higher versions of ourselves.
Eric did not serve a mission. He did the hard thing and listened to his heart, not the expectations of peers, family, friends, leaders, or the so-called divine doctrine. I am proud of him. He did not go because of laziness or unworthiness, an incredible offer he couldn’t turn down, or having a weak testimony. He chose not to go because he followed his truth, the small voice within his heart that guides him on his path, the path that God inspires and encourages us to find so we can become higher versions of ourselves as we grow, become, and evolve. My husband lives by his truths. He lives by the God he experiences. He lives to be the change. He does the internal work God requires and chooses the harder path to not blindly follow. He sees he believes, he feels. He lives by example. He has faith and trust in himself to allow space for truth to come and uncertainty to dwell.
Life is messy and hard as it is. We don’t need to make it more difficult by not living our authentic selves. He has shown me that my truth is more important than what authority says. That your values and morals are more important to your soul and to the divine. That Jesus cares more about me and my discipleship than my verbal commitments. Following your heart to truth is why we are here, not to follow blindly, not to submit to authority, or to live by checkboxes, formulas, or running through the motions. Eric helped me see that there’s more to being a child of God; he has taught me what a “being” truly means. I am so grateful I do not feel and think the way I did when I wrote that note card. I’m so grateful that Eric has been an example of authenticity. That I will know what not to do with my kids as they grow up. We can be our own seers and prophet/prophetess in our own lives. We just have to do the deep internal work to get there and make it a reality.
