Luckiest Girl Alive

 This film is profound and powerful. It is real, raw, validating and significant. This important message is something I value and will share, especially with my own children. I feel this is great depiction of complex assault, PTSD, and more. A portrayal of coping with abuse, why so many stay silent, and the protection of perpetrators. I am of the 1 in 3 women, I too, remained silent. So many remain silent. I have lived through many forms of agonizing abuse. One thing I've learned and would like to share is, no matter how much you try to conceal your trauma, hurt, pain, it will hold you captive until you walk in your truth. Truth that you know deep down inside. The truth you silence, push to the back, into the darkness in hopes to be forgotten while other voices takes the attention. Truth is light, light is the soul. You are the light, you deserve to accept your light, you deserve to heal from the captivators. 

I am the luckiest girl alive. I have a husband that loves me and encouraged me to find faith within. "That's faith. Growing up, I thought faith was about believing Jesus died for us, and that if I held on to that, I'd get to meet him when I died too. [To be saved. To be loved. To be rewarded. To be perfected. To be happy.] But faith doesn't mean that to me anymore. Now it means someone [Ricky] seeing something in you that you don't, and not giving up until you see it too. I want that."

I didn't tell my parents. I let them believe that I wanted it. My bishop asked for details and if the boy had apologized-as if that erased my trauma. I gave graphic answers, but never spoke up about how it happened. A few weeks before my dad died, I told him all of this. I cried. He cried. We, cried. At that moment the girl inside me received what she needed most back then from the person that mattered most. That girl had found her truth many, many years ago, yet it felt so nice to have this significant experience with my Dad. My Dad is my hero.