This experience is more complex than just losing a close loved one, losing a father, my oldest friend. This experience was not safe, it was not filled with peace, comfort, or love. There was a lot of hurt, violation of trust and vulnerability, betrayal, and harsh consequences. I am not ready to reminisce on this incident for the deep, big feels that surface when I think, speak, or feel it. I hope one day, I can share this story, but until then these pictures are all I can do and even this is hard. I have chosen to leave some pictures out to prevent triggers.
Note: my ring versus Lacee's ring
Floor 4, ICU, Room 418
The central white part is the hemorrhage
The only thing keeping him alive
His head was REALLY hot, like a really bad fever.
His hand would sit and twitch, not an indication he was there and responding
Lacee holding his hand
Why did I take a picture of his feet?
Nice RT
Is this really happening? Is this really my Dad?
She was a saving grace, one of my angles that night
Holding my Dad's hand
Trying to hold it together with bloodshot eyes
His view
2 other angels saved me that night. My Dad's older brother Mark and younger brother Kevin
Mark Simpson
Kevin Simpson
My brother, Tyler, gave my Dad one last blessing and released him from this life
Tedra, Mark, Tyler, I'm sitting in the chair (a story for another time), Lacee next to me, Sandra and Kevin in front of her.
Life support was just removed, the waiting begins
Lots of choking, gasping and 'crashing' stats. He held on for 3-4 hours before officially letting go. Lacee & I lasted the first 45 minutes. (There are personal reasons we did not stay.)
My final goodbye in this life.
Beautiful flowers sent by the Baileys.
I love the raw emotion this picture tells. So grateful for the opportunity I had to dress my Dad for his 'big day'. I'm also grateful I was the last one to be with him here, at this time, at this moment. I may have backed away to the door, facing him the whole time and not losing sight of him, knowing what that meant the moment I closed the door behind me. I maybe have opened the door, walked out, and ran back to him just to hug him one last time, to tell him I loved him one last time, and all by myself. I know his spirit wasn't residing within this vessel that I recognize to be my father, but his spirit was there in the room. Such a tender experience to have and the unity I felt with my brother Tyler, my sister Lacee, and my two uncles Mark and Kevin.
The kids seeing their Papa John for the last time.
Beautiful spray my Dad's siblings bought for his kids. The ribbon says "Father".
Eric being a pallbearer
Ryken (Lacee), Tyler, Eric, Kevin, Mark, Danny (Aunt Jill)
My sweetie choked up
There are other photos from these events that Eric or my friends took, they are not uploaded because they are not a part of my google photo cloud.
In Loving Memory:
napping with Lacee
Our trip to Disney Land, yes, I remember some of this trip even at the age of 2
I remember this Christmas with him, in the moment even.
Lacee was just born
Deer hunt when I was 4. This was the trip the deer hunt song came about
Camping Payson canyon with Uncle Kevin and his family
My biological grandfather Jesse's funeral, Provo cemetery. Also pictured is Aunt Nona and Jesse's wife, Gail.
He needed to get away from home and the chaos and stress that was there. He came to my house for a day. Chloe enjoyed all the attention he gave her googling over her baby book.
My first time meeting my biological grandfather, Jesse. Dad was great to arrange this meet up for me.
Visiting Grandma Vivan Simpson's grave in American Fork cemetary.
December 28?, 2019 hospital stay
Jay's baseball team was nominated to be announced during an Owlz game, they got to run out on the field and be paired with a player for the national anthem. Fun experience for him! Dad brought his wife and 2 of her grandchildren.
Lakeview Elementary annual Family Night Picnic in the Park
Happy birthday, Dad! 2018?
Another hospital stay 2016- maybe?
My handsome Dad's wedding
We had season tickets and we got extra seats given to us by a co-worker. You could say it was a double date, but not really where we didn't sit by each other and this picture is all the contact we really had
Lacee's wedding
Easter celebration
Engagements with Sandra at the Cherry Hill Farm on Geneva Road in Orem
Mom and siblings went to St. George (or Idaho) I stayed behind for a school dance and Dad and I went camping in Diamond Fork.
Deer hunt, I was 4 years old
My Dad being my birthday party clown for my 5th birthday (I believe)
the incision on his forehead is from a chunk of skin cancer removed, right before Tyler's baptism
4th of July by Granite High School, Great-Grandma Ingeldew's
They had the best show across the road at the school's field
Salem Pond, Simpson family pictures
Lacee's wedding
BIRTHDAY PRESENETS IN THE HOSPITAL 2014
in the hospital on his BIRTHDAY! 2014
Santaquin Rodeo
Eric wrote my Dad a letter to be read at the hospital when I went to say goodbye to him. Eric also read this at the graveside service, the day we buried my sweet dad. It reads:
What a horribly ironic tie for me to write a "Dear John" letter for you. Well, here you go...
Dear John,
Or rather, Dear Dad, I don't want you to feel bad or anything, but your timing is a terrible old man. It's a pandemic, the kids are starting up sports and the Jazz are pretty dang good this year. I bet you'll be there for each of the kids' games and maybe even some of the Jazz ones too. I guess there's not really a good time to say "bye" though.
I know that if you could you tell us all to buck up and stop moping over you, even though we all know that you love the socializing and especially the extra attention, haha. I see you :)
I don't care what anyone says about you, you are a good man. Even accounting for your flaws, I'd bet that you're a better man than me by a long mile.
You are more than just an 'in-law' for me, no, you are truly a father figure that I look up to (even despite your shorter stature *wink*).
Thank you for raising and loving and cherishing and spoiling the girl I grew up to marry. And thank you for being the worthy priesthood holder and charitable sone of God that you have been. Thank you for way more than I can possibly list here. You did good, John.
I know that you are probably already hard at work in the spirit world, but if you get a break, feel free to pop in from time to time. We can always use the love and comfort. Just be prepared to be embarrassed by how much Brit and I actually smooch!
Anyways, I guess now is as good a time as ever, so- goodbye. I am gonna miss you, Dad. I'm looking forward to the union one day. Take care, old man! :)
Love xoxox- your son, Eric
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