I can appreciate your concern and thoughts. But no, you are wrong about your assumptions. Britnee did not cause this and I won't be some sort of middle man trying to make her feel guilty for simply sticking up for her own sanity.
Dad asked Britnee to relay a happy birthday wish to Kailee a few days ago-
1st - that is in and of itself a violation of the restraining order that John himself sought out and signed off on. Britnee did not simply call him and chastise him because she has feelings. Because of this, the fourth time he has made this same inappropriate request of Britnee to communicate for him, and having not learned from the previous three times she told him that it was inappropriate, she decided to make it more clear. She told him that she would not do that and that in the future it is inappropriate to ask that kind of thing of her and finally that if he wants to communicate with Kailee, then he needs to do away with the unnecessary restraining order. It is not "tough love" to build a legal wall between himself and his daughter, knowing that there can be serious legal consequences for small actions (such as his own) and then ask another CHILD of His, who is doing her best to keep herself from getting sucked into this ugly family feud, if she will skirt the law that HE chose. I mean come on, Britnee is human and that is simply unfair and cruel to take advantage HER patient and loving attempts to maintain a decent relationship her dad so that he can feel better about the stupid restraining order.
2nd - Britnee (and I) feels very strongly that the restraining order is excessive and unnecessary to begin with, and she has stated such HER father twice now. Her thinking is that there are in fact repercussions and consequences for this action that John and Sandra have not honestly considered.. like the destruction of already tentative relationships with his children. Even like what happened this week... He is unable to communicate a simple birthday wish because of the order. Already, he was unable to attend Jayson's recent baptism because Kailee was there. The potential list of painful consequences goes on and on, and for what? Some sort of hysterical belief that Kailee and Traca would actually want to make the hour long trip simply to terrorize anyone? Anyone who claims that it is necessary is truly kidding themselves or so caught up in their passions that they do not want actual healing because it means swallowing their pride to do so.
3rd - It is hyperbole and wrong to try and manipulate Britnee (or me) through the claim that "she is literally killing him". No, his own actions and those of Sandra and Marie should come under consideration for that. John has long had a brain disease, stress makes things worse. Two of the people that he loves most convinced him to sign off on the order against his daughter (and obviously seriously strain any possibility of a relationship with two other children). Sure, for them it was easy enough to say that it was necessary, they would not be suffering all that much because of the consequences (at least compared to what real suffering John is going through).. but then he has always let the women in his life push him around. That choice and the knowledge that it backfired and to him from his children is what causes the stress which causes the worsening symptoms. The real question is whether Mom's and Marie's pride in this matter is what's "literally killing him".
4th - yes, Kailee needs therapy, rehab, medication and all sorts of special consideration.. and yes, Traca has generally allowed and even seemingly encouraged some of Kailees disfunctionality. But they really need to stop patting themselves on the back for her court ordered treatment. She was already well on her way down that path and quite literally the only thing that has changed is that she has to tell a court about the treatment she is already receiving. Let's stop pretending that the court is the sole reason for Kailees treatment.. the whole thing feels tinged by the hate for Traca. I get that Tracas treatment of John was wrong and that she weaponized her children against him. She was wrong and Britnee and I have chastised her heavily for it. Yes I have even been in yelling arguments with Traca over her complacency when it came to really dealing with her children's problems, or her treatment of John. Maybe you are not aware, but Britnee and I even had a years long principal based moratorium on contact with Traca over similar such behavior from her. We can call a spade a spade both ways and equally. We had to draw a line in the sand and tell her that certain actions, comments or conversations are inappropriate and if she wants to maintain a loving relationship that she cannot cross that line. She still does sometimes, and even recently we have had to tell her to stop, much like Britnee did with Dad. We expect that we will constantly have to remind them both of all of our boundaries, it is just that this particular boundary is very poignant and hard for Dad to come to grips with.. If it seems unclear let me state it right here - Outside of communicating when the rules of the restraining order need to be applied to a situation, we will not discuss the events of the fight between Marie and Kailee, we view both sides as having fault and refuse to "pick a side" and will not allow attempts to convince or manipulate us, nor will we discuss Traca and Kailees business with with John and Sandra or vice versa. The Only possible exceptions can be in case of medical emergency, under which circumstances we will maintain the boundaries but understand when a slip up may occur (excepting as the restraining order must be applied).
Finally I would like to apologise for the length of my reply, but it needed to be said. I also thank you for reading this far and allowing me my say. Note - Because Dad repeatedly attempted to cross that boundary and repeatedly tried to recount the fight to Britnee even after her firm insistence that she did not want to discuss that with him and several reminders that Britnees relationship with him would be about a father and his daughter and nothing else, Britnee was hurt especially that she had to be so firm with her own Dad. We know that his capabilities have steadily declined over the last few years and that he will cross clear boundaries occasionally, but we will always make sure to reiterate them when needed. When she has had sufficient time to process and when she is ready she will talk to him again. He is her dad and she loves him.
I would caution you against assuming the context of something so fundamentally complex as this situation is. Britnee was well within her rights and the boundaries of the Parent and grown-child relationship to stick up for her own emotional health by having that hard conversation with her own father. A conversation that she chose to have because she does Love him, and because unlike her siblings, she wants to keep the relationship with him going. A conversation that defined which actions could harm or permanently damage the relationship if allowed to continue (her boundaries). A conversation of which should've been kept more private than it apparently was.
This is not a burned bridge by the way.. we still love you and yours. But the pain might take a short while to heal. I hope you can understand. And of course you are always welcome to include our names in prayers and Temple visits. I'm glad to know that your faith is so important to who you are and that you often think of us in that context.
Sincerely, if heavy hearted - Eric
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