Spring

Monday, February 7, 2022

10.19.21

 I’ve known I’ve had OCD for one year now, though I’ve been working with treatment for over two years (there is a very important reason as to why I did not know my diagnosis starting treatment). I work hard ALL day EVERY day addressing this mental illness and the ramifications it has. 


I have had extreme OCD episodes in the last 5 months. It started with Chloe getting bitten on the face by the dog. A week later Eric relayed the information to me that my Dad was in the hospital due to a hemorrhagic stroke. The next day my Dad passed away, then came a great amount of disrespect, betrayal, and hurt I received from ‘family’ in regards to my Dad’s passing. Since then I’ve lost 5 other people I admire and love. All this on top of regular life stress, mini-crisis, ups and downs, you know, life. These episodes can last days, weeks, and even months. It can leave me so exhausted.


For starters: “We all have our little quirks-habits and behaviors-that we know we’d be better off without. We all wish we had more self-control. But when thoughts spin out of control, becoming so intense and intrusive that they take over against our will, when habits turn into all-consuming rituals that are performed to rid us of overwhelming feelings of fear and dread, something more serious is happening.” This is where obsession plays its part. “Obsessions are intrusive, unwelcome, distressing thoughts and mental images. Unlike other unpleasant thoughts, they do not fade away but keep intruding your mind over and over against your will.” Obsessions are not to be mistaken for rumination-something not inappropriate, something quite normal and or even pleasant. An example would be thinking about an upcoming test, or how attractive you are to someone, or a conversation you recently had. Everyone does rumination sometimes. The difference is the content and process. These obsessions lead to an urge or in other words a compulsion, an act to alleviate stress from the obsessions. Compulsions make up a ritual which is the behavior surrounding OCD.


I give the analogy from the book “Brain Lock” by Jeffrey M. Schwartz (if you want a great book on OCD recovery and or understand someone with OCD, I highly encourage you to read this book) about the brain being a motor with gears and transmission. 

  • “One of the main signal-processing centers of the brain made up of two structures called the caudate nucleus and the putamen, can be thought of as similar to a gearshift in a car. The caudate nucleus works like an automatic transmission for the front, or thinking part, of the brain. Working with the putamen, which is the automatic transmission for the part of the brain that controls body movements, the caudate nucleus allows for the extremely efficient coordination of thought and movement during everyday activities. In a person with OCD, however, the caudate nucleus is not shifting the gears properly, and messages from the front part of the brain get stuck there. In other words, the brain’s automatic transmission has a glitch. The brain gets “stuck in gear” and can’t shift to the next thought.”

  • OCD is related to a biochemical problem in the brain which is referred to as “Brain Lock” because 4 structures of the brain become locked together. When this occurs the brain sends false messages that I cannot readily recognize as false, especially when connected to physical sensations.


“Applying behavior therapy techniques, you can change how you respond to these thoughts and urges, and you can physically change the way your brain works.” 









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